What’s Your Painful Story?

Have you ever wondered what makes you like someone’s personal story?

“I’m going to tell you something I don’t tell many people.”

That’s how the conversation began last Friday morning with a client.

And I think “Perfect!”, as he didn’t know yet, but one of my agenda points was to gather more of his personal stories to help pitch to conferences.

And he begins…

“20 years ago, I was working for a consulting firm that sucked the life out of me and I hated it.

My marriage was failing. We didn’t talk about it much, but we knew it was over.

On top of this, I went to the doctor and they found a tumor in my lung that required surgery – half of my lung had to be removed.

I year later, I broke a vertebra in my back and needed another surgery. I lost the use of a leg for a year, needed a bunch of PT, and was taking a lot of pain medication.

And one of my closest friends lost his life to suicide.

I was depressed. Anxious. I was taking anti-depression meds even after my physical recovery. I considered myself a loser.

My self-worth was at an all time low.

Today I’m so proud to have all of that behind me. I’m proud to have accomplished my own transformation.”

I never would have expected his response to what I said next.

“Wow, thank you so much for telling me all of this. I was going to ask you your personal pain-point stories. Your ‘belly of the whale moment’, where you have no idea how you are going to get out of the situation you’re in – the deepest darkest moment of your life. And you found the need to start our call with this.”

I told him that for his next keynote, seminar, workshop, anything that he’s presenting – this is how we have to begin.

“We need to start with this story. You have to tell your hero’s ascent story.”

He pauses again and says “Really? Wow I would have never known to do that. People want this stuff?”

It’s moments like these that I truly love with clients, because it was a huge eye opener for him.

This is the mistake that most speakers make. They skip over the pain. They leave out the mistakes. The depression. The anxiety. The addiction. They go right to the good parts where they scaled Mt. Everest and had it all figured out.

But no one can relate to that, and people hate speakers who do this, yet so many continue to make this mistake, talk after talk.

What people want, and what many can relate to is a “Person messed their life up and has to put it back together” story.

That’s the story you need to tell. Start from the bottom.

Most people, right now, are facing what is to them, the biggest hurdle they have ever faced before in their entire life. And even if they have that behind them, they will never forget the emotions they carried during this time.

While you tell your story, you want people to say “Me too. I’ve felt like that too.”

And only then can they cheer for you afterwards. Only then will the celebrate your wins, your victories, and walk in your footsteps and follow your lead.

They have to understand that your story is real, genuine, and that you have overcome the same sorts of things they are trying to overcome.

So when you are giving you next presentation, talk, or keynote – start with your deepest pain story.

It provides the most value, connects the best, enables trust, and builds a bond with the audience 🙂

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Good luck!